Stuttering

I'm sat on the kitchen floor stuttering
Gasping broken breathes of air
Trying, trying, trying to just calm down
But my chest is convulsing
And I'm crying

Crying
Crying
Crying
Crying
Crying

What else can I do?
How much I hate you.
How much I despise you.
Why do you hurt me so?
You say you love me
But then you destroy me.
You break me.
You crush me.

You gave birth to me.
You raised me.
And now you hurt me till I don't know what it feels like to not be scared.

It's your voice in my head that threatens me.
It's your voice in my head that pressures me.
It's your voice in my head that mocks me.
That crushes me
Till I'm nothing.

Nothing but a crying, gasping, stuttering lump on the kitchen floor.

And then you look at me say 'why are you like this? All we've ever done is support you. Let you be who you want to be. We love you.'

And that makes it all okay.
Because you love me.
Everything you do to me is okay...
Because you love me.

 
Written by Zayani Bhatt on 19/12/16

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Parents, relationship, love, hurt, narcissism

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